Cultural Immersion

As a student attending a private Lutheran school through middle school, I was culturally sheltered most of my life. Even after transferring to the local public high school, I felt like the mainstream white heterosexual culture dominated our community. Five years ago, the idea that I might walk into a gay bar in Indianapolis would have been unimaginable. Thinking back, it was largely a silent prejudice that I experienced in childhood – people I encountered were so sheltered from the LGBTQ+ community that they didn’t consciously question their thoughts on the status quo: the ethnocentrism that pervaded our community meant that people didn’t have to leave their comfort zones.

My comfort zone, therefore, was beyond the horizon as I walked unaccompanied into Tini, on Massachusetts Avenue in Indianapolis. Earlier in the evening, I had journaled some of the stereotypes I associated with gay men: loud, flamboyant, effeminate, dramatic, and confrontational. As I am an anxious person by nature, I found anxiety rising as I approached the entrance. I chose to visit on a Wednesday night, when I thought the club would be less crowded than it would be on a weekend. The security person carefully examined my ID and let me in without comment. Unsure what to do next, I decided to order a drink. I ordered a Diet Coke from Rick, the bartender. As I began sipping my drink, a man in his twenties approached me and introduced himself. He told me his name was Danny; when I introduced myself, he politely asked me what I was doing in a gay bar. He said it so politely that my anxiety vanished, and I told him that I was a college student fulfilling a class project. He introduced me to three of his friends and we began talking about movies, music, and television shows. It turned out that we had so much in common that they sensed that I was an ally. They began talking about events that had happened in their past, when family members, co-workers, and friends had been unwelcoming when Danny and his friends came out as gay. I heard real pain in their stories and realized that the lack of acceptance they had experienced had alienated them from most of their past lives. One friend, Jason, talked about his emerging sense of himself as transgender. He described how difficult it was to try to be feminine when he had no female friends to give him advice. As Doan  (2016) explains, “Some people choose to wear clothing associated with the opposite sex on an occasional or more frequent basis;” Jason wasn’t sure he could fully transition until he felt more comfortable dressing as a female. I found myself giving fashion and makeup advice – something I never could have imagined possible even an hour before. 

These men were so protective and accepting of one another that they made me feel safe, as well. I have had difficulty finding friends in Indianapolis since transferring from a tiny, religious college in Michigan earlier this semester, but I found myself opening up about my loneliness when I realized how genuinely lonely these gay men had been for most of their lives. We even talked about struggling to feel normal – something I have often dealt with as I cope with an anxiety disorder that flares up unexpectedly as well as debilitating migraines that make it impossible to function. I realized that these men’s fundamental identity made them question their normalcy; as Toh (2022) explains, a lot of members of the LGBTQ community suffer from mental health issues from family rejection and educational and workplace environments, where their sexual identity comes into conflict with the dominant social environment. At Tini, they felt insulated from their struggles and told me that they could let their guard down for a while. I mentioned that I was so impressed that they still had the capacity to love after experiencing so much hatred and intolerance in their lives. I found myself admiring them for their strength, resilience, and support for one another. They were genuinely loyal and non-judgmental: when Danny mentioned that the only way he can go back to his parents’ home is when he can introduce his parents to his wife, Jason urged him to show me a picture of his husband. The kind of committed relationship that would make a parent proud existed in Danny’s life, but his family could not – or would not – accept it.

We discussed the popular stereotypes about gay men. Although none of the men in Danny’s circle were flamboyant or “loud and proud,” as they called it, they all knew men who were. They turned the tables on me when they described their stereotypical vision of a straight, white, college girl and I found myself laughing because I definitely knew people who fit those stereotypical descriptions. They asked me why my professor had assigned this topic, wondering what he was trying to prove. I thought about it and offered the thought that if it weren’t for times when people were forced outside their comfort zones, they might never leave them. I told them that the assignment has changed me – for the better. I now have a responsibility to be supportive of those whose choices and lifestyles are different from my own, because I now understand their vulnerability. According to Wailing (2021),  LGBTQ community members face a diverse range of challenges when they support peers with their mental health. Informal peer-support roles are a significant responsibility for those performing them. LGBTQ community members stepping up to support others should be better supported to help manage their roles and the impacts of performing them.  This community is a collectivist culture. They are very supportive of one another and put each other first. They often reach out to people they do not know just to learn their story. An example of this is when Danny came up to me and accepted me even though he knew nothing about me and I am not a member of his community. This philosophy is very admirable to me and I started integrating it into my everyday life.

Since I started applying that in my everyday life it has brought me nothing but rewards. When I was waiting in line for coffee, I complimented a woman’s outfit and said she looked stunning. She said I made her day and returned the compliment. We talked for twenty minutes while waiting for her coffee. When she got her coffee, she said thank you and told me she was having a hard day, and I helped her feel better. I laughed a little and shared that I was having an awful day, too. I have seen her twice since and we always smile and wave at each other. I hope to keep this philosophy of accepting and trying to learn about everyone, because it really is insightful and shows you a different perspective of life. I want to go on to law school to be a lawyer, and I think this will help me understand my future clients. Being accepting and open to them will help me to do my job best there no matter who they are. 

Going to a gay bar alone was so far out of my comfort zone I had physical pains from anxiety before going. Now that I have experienced it, I am so happy that I did. I have so much more experience, empathy, and knowledge with another culture because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I hope to experience more cultures throughout my life and will definitely push myself out of my comfort zone again. My biggest takeaway from this was to treat others with the kindness and welcoming energy that I need when I feel alone. I know this new life philosophy will enhance my relationships and hopefully inspire me to connect with people who need someone to welcome and accept them. 

 

Glossary

Prejudice- An unfairly biased and intolerant attitude towards others who belong to an out-group.

Ethnocentrism- An attitude that one’s own culture is superior to that of others.

Stereotypes- Exaggerated beliefs associated with a categorizing system.

Community- A group of people living in the same place or having a common characteristic. 

Collectivist Culture- A culture whose members feel loyalties and obligations to an in-group, such as extended family, community, and even a work organization.

References

BOOK

Adler, R. B., Rosenfeld, L. B., Proctor, R. F., Rodman, G. R., & DuPré, A. (2017). Interplay: The process of interpersonal communication: With, understanding human communication. New York: Oxford University Press.

JOURNAL

Doan, P. L. (2016). To count or not to count: Queering Measurement and the Transgender Community. WSQ: Women’s Studies Quarterly, 44(3–4), 89–110. doi:10.1353/wsq.2016.0037

JOURNAL

Smolcic, E., & Katunich, J. (2017). Teachers crossing borders: A review of the research into Cultural Immersion Field Experience for Teachers. Teaching and Teacher Education, 62, 47–59. doi:10.1016/j.tate.2016.11.002

JOURNAL

Toh, G. W., Koh, W. L., Ho, J., Chia, J., Maulod, A., Tirtajana, I., … Lee, M. (2023). Experiences of conflict, non-acceptance and discrimination are associated with poor mental well-being amongst LGBTQ-identified individuals in Singapore. Equality, Diversity and Inclusion: An International Journal, 42(5), 625–655. doi:10.1108/edi-10-2021-0270

JOURNAL

Worrell, S., Waling, A., Anderson, J., Lyons, A., Pepping, C. A., & Bourne, A. (2022). The nature and impact of informal mental health support in an LGBTQ context: Exploring peer roles and their challenges. Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 19(4), 1586–1597. doi:10.1007/s13178-021-00681-9